2009
11.08

Are you shy when you are around people you don’t know well and when around authority?  I’m sure you don’t want to be, at least, not all of the time.  Overcoming shyness is actually pretty easy if you know what to do and you commit yourself. And you can continue to be your real self instead of being someone you are not.  And you will really want to overcome your shyness after you finish reading this post.

© Talia Twilight

Why you are shy

You are shy because you fear being perceived as a failure.  Now, I am no psychoanalyst so I have no intention to explain why this is so.  Sure, understanding the cause can be helpful, however, it will only continue to trap you within your shyness.  This is because it is strengthening the habit of hesitation, which shyness is based on.  Instead, attack shyness because it is creating the exact habit that helps you overcome it.  This is being proactive.

“In the tradition of psychology, what the word shyness basically refers to is if someone is worried about how he or she appears to other people.” Wanda Bethea

“The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.” Sven Goran Eriksson

The paradox of shyness

Shyness is failure.  I’m sorry for being blunt, but it is true.  Take the classic teacher question, “does anyone know the answer?”  By not raising your hand, you are failing to show your understanding and you appear as someone who is just getting by.  Turn this example around to a work environment and you easily can see how shyness is a way to fail to do your job. Sure, tact is an essential skill to learn and the sooner you do, the better off you’ll be.

There are billions of examples and all will prove time and time again that shyness causes the world to pass you by. Do something about your shyness now.

First, be pleased with the way you are

Every moment of your life has developed who you are today.  Before you aim to overcome shyness, the first question you should be asking yourself is whether you are pleased with who you are.  If not, then your concentration should not be on overcoming shyness because you will only further deepen the conflict within yourself.  Instead, realize you cannot change the past so you might as well accept yourself for who you are.  When you can genuinely say, “I love myself even though I have some undesirable aspects” and you have the genuine feeling that you are ready to achieve what you set your mind on, you will be ready to overcome shyness.

Break out of your shell

There are many ways to break out of your shell, however, they all take commitment.  If you are not ready to commit yourself to a point of obsession, you might as well stop reading now.  If you do choose to commit yourself, here are just a few ways to get you moving forward.  [ I hope to turn each into a link so if you don't see links, add a comment to nudge me along.  Go ahead.  Don't be shy. ;) ]

Don’t ever give up.  Breaking old habits with new habits takes time.

Also read

Guts to Glory: Your curse and how to turn it into your gift

Book: The Shyness & Social Anxiety Workbook: Proven, Step-by-Step Techniques for Overcoming Your Fear

“The way you overcome shyness is to become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid.” Claudia Lady Bird Johnson

“He who gives up shyness in monetary dealings, in acquiring knowledge, in eating and in business, becomes happy.” Chanakya

“Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people.” Andre Dubus”

My first language was shy. It’s only by having been thrust into the limelight that I have learned to cope with my shyness.” Al Pacino

“Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.” Peter T. Mcintyre

“Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.” Anonymous

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” Dr. Seuss

“Courage atrophies from lack of use.” Anonymous

“Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.” Alice M. Swaim

“Courage is doing what you’re afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you’re scared.” Edward Vernon Rickenbacker

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  1. wow im going to try all these stuff > hopefully i can break out of my shell ^____^

  2. thanks for this ;)

    where did you get the image btw?

  3. click on the photo to find out

  4. yeah I need to break out my shyness especially with the business I am in and I have to go out and talk to ppl, I am going to give it a shot.

  5. I will try

    • “Do or do not. There is no try.” Master Yoda

  6. i need to break out of my shell, i’m so afraid that if i be my self in front of people they will just laugh and make fun of me and that they wont like me for who i am, but i have realized if your not yourself you are just living in someone else’s life, and that if people don’t like you for who you are they aren’t your true friends. i am also afraid that if i change to who i want to be/ who i want to be i will loose my friends in the process, and i don’t have a lot of friends because i don’t really like talking to people i don’t know, and once i get to know someone i spend all my time with just them and loose someone else that i used to be close with. i am mostly scared that nobody will like me for who i am.

    • Sounds like you need to take baby steps — that is alright. Have a look at my other posts and see what makes sense to you. Maybe that is where you need to start.

      One of life facts is that people laugh at other people. Don’t be afraid of it. You have to find a way to find the peace within yourself when it happens.

      You are right about living your own life. You will find the true friends will always be with you.

      Think about sharing this blog with your friends. If you want to but are concerned about your name and my comment, I’ll delete or modify them so that you are pleased.

      I suggest finding your obsession (my first post) and joining a club or a few. A new environment is a great way to break out of your shell.

      Most people are scared that people don’t like them for who they are. I am that way and I will always keep a part of it. It is just a way to respect people around you — it is natural.

      Remember, always take steps to improve, even baby steps. Find some way to give yourself reminders. I have my phone wallpaper doing that for me!

  7. Thanks, im so gnna try to break out of my shell in the begginging of 8th grade(:

    • Don’t wait until the beginning of 8th grade (unless you have started 8th grade now). “Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today.” If you put it off, you are creating the habit of putting it off.

      Sorry for being late in my reply!

  8. Great post/advice. Felt like it was written especially for me. Its nice to know im not alone…

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